She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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