Kiss
Puke
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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