I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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