well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I pour the whiskey from now on
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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