i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
