He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
