just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
