He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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