To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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