You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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