I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
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I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
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She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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