shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
