I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
