I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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