got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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