I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
