he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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