Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
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Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
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Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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