you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
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There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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