I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
