u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
