Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just gargled with NyQuil
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
