i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
