i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
