Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
