All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
