Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
