So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
