you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
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Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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