WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
