If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
