Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
