In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
