My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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