if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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