Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
