Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
4 words: hood of his car
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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