You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
