i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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