What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
