When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
