it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
