At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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