dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
