He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
