sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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