I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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