Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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