This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
