The maid of honor just puked.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
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I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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