Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
