Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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