I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
