I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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