Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
