You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
