i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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