We're like a lot better than the average bears
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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