I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
