We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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