If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
