He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
