porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
