Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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