The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
