I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
