The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
