the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just had sex on a roof
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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