I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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