WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
