I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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