I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
