but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You ate ashes out of my bong
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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