You made me cry and you don't even care
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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