I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize