Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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