Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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