don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
