my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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