why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
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He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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